Harold Council has warned shoppers to beware of fake Vodka, which can seriously damage health.
“This so-called ‘Vodka’ contains chemicals of some sort, which affect the decision-making frontal lobe of the brain,” said Councillor Ron Ronsson.
“Short-term effects include loss of inhibitions, dizziness, nausea, coma and even death. Also, it has a ‘metallic’ after-taste if you get stuck into a second bottle. So I’m told.”
Customers at The Squirrel Lickers weren’t worried though. “When you’ve drunk here for a few years you develop a resistance to most chemicals.” said pub-bore Alec Fairchild “Before the USAF base shut, you’d get a tang of avgas in your beer when you drank outside; we were sorry when they left, the oily surface made it easy to spot your pint of an evening, if the moon was out.”
Tesco Express says villagers may be confident about the quality of their products. “We can confirm our Value Vodka contains a chemical called ‘alcohol’, which affects the decision-making frontal lobe of the brain,” said Manager Paul Watts.
“Short-term effects include the ever-popular loss of inhibitions, dizziness, nausea, coma and even, for our more committed drinkers, death.”