Cathedral roof gargoyle come to boorish life, Nigel Farage, has announced that he is going to the US to “meet all sorts of people and I shall say to them…please forgive some of the things that were said about your President during the election campaign because I’m just that important. Did you see those buses and that poster? That was me. I am shit-hot, ladies.”
Farage has also demanded that Theresa May contact him so he can introduce her to Donald Trump on account of the Prime Minister and the President-Elect apparently needing someone who has failed to become an MP seven times to get them together. Circumstances eerily reminiscent of the dark days of May 1940 when Winston Churchill and FDR had no means of getting in touch with each other until a pissed-up warthog with a telephone number shaved into its arse ran through the Cabinet War Rooms.