Following allegations over her behaviour in not allowing MPs a vote on Brexit, Theresa May has confirmed that she is exactly like a Tudor monarch in that she’s had six wives, and, as well an incurable sexually transmitted disease, also possesses a demented penchant for composing crap yet catchy songs upon a lute, and executing former BFFs.
“Barry Gardiner was right to say I’m assuming the arrogant powers of a Tudor monarch,” the Prime Minister said as she returned from a hard session at the tiltyard in Whitehall Palace. “I like nothing more than laying waste to religious communities and my next meeting with François Hollande will take place in a field with a golden cloth in it or something, yeah?”
“And don’t let’s forget the most striking similarity between me and Henry VIII,” she added. “No one got to vote on whether they wanted him in charge either.”