UKIP’s leader has clarified that, after a Leave vote, all the good things about the EU will carry on because it’s only the bad things that will disappear.
“May I give you an analogy?” roared Farage, adding, without a pause “It’s like a divorce. The jilted one won’t shred the contents of their partner’s wardrobe and scatter the smoking remnants in the front garden. Or leave his classic vinyl collection in the microwave.”
Farage believes that parties involved will let bygones be bygones and that possessions and commitments will be fairly divided up. “Everyone knows that’s how a divorce works.”
Warming to his task, Farage explained how trade relations will develop; “Same analogy, right? Take the Commonwealth. She’s as keen as mustard to pick up trade links; just as keen as that girl you dated in the 70s is to pick-up where you left off; apart from that awkward last meal, when you said you were dumping her for someone closer to home.”
“She’s still only nineteen, with firm young breasts and has been waiting years for you to come back. Phwoar, that’s going to be a pretty hot reunion…”
The UKIP leader says the whole Brexit process is actually very simple “Pick any aspect of EU life. Do you like it? Good, we’ll keep that. Hate it? Good again, we’ll lose that.”
“Boris Johnson? Nah, you’ll be keeping him either way.”