Local entrepreneur and hipster converts Oofy and Lysander Eastof have launched a new business venture, aimed at villagers in Harold who feel the need to break away from the “oppressive rules” of the English language.
“Holm of Homophones” is a one stop boutique for homophones, which can be liberally sprinkled through conversation without anyone but the user knowing.
“It’s a non-violent way to stand up to those who think they’re better than you” explained Lysander. “We’re talking here, and I bet you didn’t notice that I actually said “hear” just then. But I know, and that gives me power.”
According to Oofy, the use of homophones becomes more confrontational when using written forms of communication.
“It takes a certain amount of skill and confidence to deploy a homophone in the right way” he said. “I recommend building up to it slowly, Maybe just one a day in non-formal situations to start with.”
Interest in their services has been poor so far, leading to them making approaches to other local businesses, suggesting that the grocer should stand up to apostrophe snobs by, for example, selling “currents” and “pairs”. Oofy believes that selling “flower” will aid the local bakery, and that the butcher should advertise “meet”.
Mayor Rufus D Jackson thinks “Holm of Homophones” is doomed to fail.
“They’re off their tits if theythinks that’ll take off” he said, “all it’ll do is confuse everyone. He’s never been right since he fell off his reclaimed penny-farthing and hit his head on the old Olivetti strapped to his back. Bloody hipster nonsense, there’s no place for it in Harold.”