A local man has said that he’s shocked and horrified to have died despite spending years avoiding almost all known foodstuffs.
“I thought this way of eating would make me immortal,” Felix Watson complained from the Other Side. “For over a decade I shunned anything you could describe as yummy and tracked my heart rate with all the joyless fanaticism of a Nazi in a rubbish war film.”
Sadly for Mr Watson his constant social media posting about his ‘awesome clean lifestyle’ insistence that cancer can be cured by ‘positive vibes and going paleo’ and sharing of articles on health full of grim pictures and entirely free of scientific fact proved to be his undoing when he mysteriously died shortly after posting a series of photos of his dinner and captioning them ‘#moraleating #earthkindeating #besteating’.
Despite there being considerable evidence of foul play the coroner ruled it “death by smug” and declared that no inquiry was necessary.