Retired Colonel, Richard Blimp has called for a ban on people smoking fags and chewing gum near the Cenotaph.
“The first memorial was erected for a peace parade a hundred years ago” he said “but we’ve managed to wrestle it back for the jingo.”
Blimp believes that soldiers who died in war would be appalled by people enjoying the freedom they gave their lives for and peacefully wandering past the Cenotaph whilst idly smoking, chewing gum, or listening to the Chris Evans breakfast show.
The Colonel has also asked for extra cameras in Whitehall, to catch any drivers picking their nose. “This is what our brave boys fought and died for”.
Until the government introduces emergency legislation, to meet the wholly justified cries of anguish from editors up and down Rupert Murdoch, local residents planning sexual relations are being asked to book a room ‘at least 1 mile away’ from the Cenotaph.