The centre-right of the Labour party is up in arms, after Jeremy Corbyn sacked Michael … whatsisname, err Dugher.
Their feeling is that a strong Blairite is needed to pretend to do a job that’s already being done by someone else.
Dugher was previously not in charge of transport. Before that he was not in charge of anything at all, as shadow minister without portfolio.
Toby Perkins, a Labour MP not in charge of defence, asked tearfully How will the arts in the UK survive, if we have a different person not in charge of the arts?” A spokesperson was quick to express the solidarity of the Arts Council. “Michael who? Didn’t he marry Catherine Zeta Jones?”
As the shocking news spread to Stoke Mandeville hospital, Dr Hannah, a shadow junior doctor, said “I’m just grateful I don’t have to work a 87 hour week but that could all change. Literally overnight, in early May 2020.”
“Meanwhile, I’ll keep my hand in for the next four years, by dressing up as in a doctor’s outfit, hanging about outside the hospital, and booing the real doctors.”
Shadow chancellor John McDonnell was unavailable for comment as he was busy playing Monopoly. Because he hasn’t actually got a f*cking job either.