Movie fan and frightful old bore Donald Trump has expressed outrage that the Hermione character in the new Harry Potter stage production will be played by a muggle actress.
“This is a disgraceful example of these muggles coming here and taking over,” raged Trump today. “Everyone knows that Hermione is magical, far more so than some of the other actors, like that guy who plays Neville, for example.”
“This new one, I saw her in Midsomer Murders, and she wasn’t in the least bit magical. I think people are going to be pretty unhappy.”
“Not like that lovely Emma Watson. She can make Polyjuice Potion, and her Patronus is an otter.”
“When I’m in charge we’ll stop these muggles coming in, we’ll build a wall to keep them out, and we’ll send back all the ones who are already here. We’ll do that last one before we build the wall, or they won’t be able to get out.”
There have already been suggestions that Trump is unable to distinguish fiction from reality, for example after he recently congratulated Harrison Ford on being a great President.
He now appears to totally believe in a world where unattractive leaders with rabidly fascist supporters can bully their way into positions of great power. And also that Harry Potter is real.