Normally, excess packaging wouldn’t warrant widespread reporting, but the porky bumhole nature of these parcels brought them to everyone’s attention.
London couple David and Samantha Cameron ordered the plates and slightly smaller plates from the low-budget supermarket, in an attempt to woo working class guests.
“When the little lorry turned up, I was quite surprised to find a side plate wrapped in a still-warm colon”, said Samantha. “But I thought to myself ‘I suppose this is what happens if you don’t order from Selfridges’, and carried on unwrapping.”
Eventually, after nearly 4 hours of wrestling with the packaging, the couple’s flat was strewn with pig guts and 24 pieces of slightly mishapen pottery.
“I loved it”, said David. “My advisors told me that it was quite like The Great Pottery Throwdown, but with more burst pigs and a tea pot that didn’t pour properly.”
Tesco apologised for the appalling waste. “These twats might invite the odd poor person in for the cameras, but they’ll never buy them dinner”, said parcel executive Nigel Herod. “So I doubt the literally bloody things will get used.”
“Although I’m surprised they complained at all, from what I’ve read David isn’t very particular about what gets stuffed up a pig.”