Muslim refugees arriving in Europe have been criticised for failing to observe the traditional November Christmas celebrations, it has emerged.
Rather than seamlessly integrating into the welcoming community, Muslim families have been aggressively neglecting to put up Christmas trees and tinsel, according to furious locals.
“I’m as tolerant as the next man,” accurately ranted resident Simon Williams from the local English village of Harold. “But when I see them coming here, making themselves at home and not even spraying any of that fake snow stuff on their window panes, I just want to kill.”
“I took a yule log round to one of them yesterday, and although he seemed quite grateful, he had the nerve to ask me wasn’t Christmas in December? I ask you, the cheek.”
“I said I don’t know when Muslims celebrate Christmas, but around here we start in October. At the latest. He didn’t like that.”
Local government officials have been scrambling to arrange cultural information sessions – distributing mince pies, mulled wine and Slade to the bewildered newcomers.
“But it just doesn’t make sense,” complained one Syrian, gazing sadly at a Sainsbury’s advent calendar. “Look, it goes from one to twenty-four – what are we on now then? Minus seven? You’re all mad.”
“Tottenham are still in with a chance of the top four, it can’t be anywhere near Christmas yet!”