After years of being inundated by unsolicited calls providing PPI miss-selling compensation opportunities, the world is bracing itself for a deluge of calls from opportunistic law firms offering potential riches if you are one of the lucky millions to have been bedded by Charlie Sheen.
Only a day after the actor comedian admitted his positive HIV status, the calls have started. Harold resident Nigel Thorvald grumpily answered his phone at five o’clock this morning only to hear the following pre-recorded message:
“Have you been shagged at any time by Charlie Sheen? If so, we believe you may be entitled to compensation. Please dial 967 to be put in touch with a fully trained advisor with an accent you can’t understand.”
Whilst he said had no problem with the inference that Charlie Sheen may have singled him out during an evening of unlikely debauchery in the hot spots of Harold, Mr Thorvald complained that the prospect of a new wave of nuisance calls was infuriating.
“The PPI calls were beginning wind down and I’d convinced everyone that I have never been injured in a sodding car crash. Now I’m going to have to put up with years of being pestered by compo chuggers every time I pick up the effing phone.”
“It’s not good for my blood pressure, ” he stormed. “At this rate I’m going to have to go back to my anger management classes.”