The Department for Transport says the ‘unproductive’ left hand lane and grass verges of the UK’s busiest motorway will be redeveloped for social and affordable homes.
“We were going to teach people to drive properly but when Hammond called for more departmental cuts I thought ‘why bother?'” said minister, Chris Grayling.
“As the former justice minister I’m used to destroying redundant structures, such as the prison service. In fact I might pop along help with this. I’ve still got the sledge hammer I used on the Legal Aid system in the car.”
“In just a couple of years I’ll be proud to say ‘I remember when it was all just Fords around here’.”
Social housing will be built on the carriageway, with leafier grass embankments left for the aspirational affordable housing sector. Grayling says they’ll be a little noisy but this will be offset by the excellent travel links “… except during maintenance periods; so summer holidays, Christmas, that kind of thing.”
Persistent middle lane dawdler and Harold resident, Darwin Phillips, supports the move: “Not everyone knows this but the official term is ‘the slow lane’. Now, although I struggled a bit at school I’m actually quite bright, so I refuse to use it.”