“I was helping a charity to dig wells in Afghanistan but – foolishly – hadn’t shaved; out of respect for the local culture” explained Shaker Aemar, the last British resident held in Guantanamo Bay, now back in the UK.
“So really, I’ve only myself to blame for being locked up without evidence, charge or trial, from before my son was born 13 years ago.”
Mr Aemar is grateful to the free, rule-of-law countries which have kept the world safe from the risks he posed of beard-lice and freshly dug wells, since bounty-hunters hoiked him off a street and cashed him in with the US military in 2001. I was what they call a clear and present danger, thank goodness they got me in time.”
“It’s not only the good old US of A I’m obliged to” chuckled Aemar “The UK government has no plans to detain me either so I’ll have done no more than the equivalent of a 28 year jail sentence. Result!”
“I’ve learned my lesson though” he added “Someone at UK immigration today suggested I might shave my beard off for Children in Need, but I’m giving charity work a miss for the time being.”