“Last year saw a dramatic rise in automotive festivity awareness”, said fire officer Liam Hosier. “But sadly, some of them were a bit shit.”
Keen to avoid a repeat of 2014’s bobble-headed crap snowman tragedy, Hosier’s checks will focus on utilising a vehicle’s 12-volt sockets.
Using a small hammer and a bent rusty nail, the village fire crew will upgrade your car’s standard fuse box to cope with the extra power demands.
“If you’re not distracting other motorists, then you’re not trying hard enough”, explained Hosier. “A bit of tinsel is all well and good, but it’s so much better with fairy lights.”
Hosier demonstrated a dashboard-mounted ‘Santa express’, which can be put back on its tracks with one hand after a bit of practice.
“Then there’s the spray-on snow for the windscreen, which obviously has to go on the inside”, he clarified. “We wouldn’t want to see it being scraped off by your wipers.”
If you would like Hosier and his team to check your car is ready for Winter, they’re offering a free jar of liquid nitrogen to the first 100 citizens, so they can make their squirters into snow machines.
“We’re in the Squirrel Lickers Arms car park all day”, said Hosier. “Why not pop in for a chat and some egg nog? But no Volkswagens: you’re on the naughty list this year.”