A Facebook outage that lasted for forty minutes on Monday night left civilisation on the verge of a complete breakdown.
Shops were looted in the search for photos of old school friends’ dogs, and angry mobs roamed the streets as the social networking site’s estimated 1.5 billion worldwide users were left with no way of communicating to everybody they have ever met all at once. Apart from Twitter. Or Instagram.
“I nailed the front door shut and barricaded myself in my house as soon as I heard the site was down.” said Linda Woods, from Luton,
“There were people outside burning laptops for warmth and huddling around the fire, showing each other videos of their pets doing something mildly amusing and then chanting ‘Like’ in unison.”
“One man had a photo of his lunch on his phone and he was chasing after passers by in the street, urging them to look at it.”
Linda and her children went hungry for the night, as the mother of two was afraid to cook in case the site went back down and she was unable to post a photo of the meal.
Gyms lay empty and nobody went for a run, held back by fear of the mobs and the possibility that they would be unable to brag about it afterwards.
“I had to send a message to each of my friends individually to tell them that I was having a beer and watching TV.”, said one man, who did not want to be named,
“Then I went and set fire to a car.”
The worldwide crisis still did not cause any increase in Google+ use.