In a major scoop, newly elected Labour Leader, Jeremy Corbyn writes exclusively for the Evening Harold. This is mainly because we pretended we were from the Socialist Worker but that’s fine because we’re more working class than him so lying is acceptable.
Well it’s been quite a week, but democracy has spoken and the revolution has started.
I’ve fulfilled my election promise by having more gels in my Executive Committee but I’m still hearing dissent from the rank and file because there aren’t enough gels in the top jobs. I’ve done my best by having a chap called Hilary shadowing the Foreign brief, but you can’t be too careful with gels. Until I get to know them how do I know one of them won’t turn out to be a Thatcher?
I’ve had to make a few changes to the Party structure already. I’ve dispensed with the services of all those spin doctors as we won’t be needing any of them anymore. Of course, it’s sad for the people concerned but the way I see it, that’s another 876 people added to the unemployment list showing that the vicious Tory policies are simply not working.
I had to attend a jingoistic ceremony at St Paul’s to commemorate 75 years of imperialistic self-righteousness since the Battle of Britain. Although I know all of the words to The Red Flag and can hum most of Working Class Hero, I must admit the National Anthem defeats me. Unfortunately there were no aides available to slip the words to me as some fool sacked them all. So instead of singing, I tried to look dignified as I reflected upon what Churchill should have spent the money he squandered on Spitfires and Hurricanes.
I was only saying to No.3, as I call my wife (I’m terrible with names), how ironic it is that I’m now leader of the Party that I frequently resigned from because I didn’t want to be a member of any party that would have me as a member. If the blessed Karl Marx knew I was ignoring his teachings, he would roll in his grave!
My next task is to locate my neck tie so I can attend the House of Commons for Question Time. Usually I sit miles away at the back, so I’m really looking forward to seeing the action at close quarters. Of course, I’ll still be jeering the Labour leader who I’m told is hopelessly out of touch…….
Power to the people! Your comrade, Jeremy