The Queen’s birthday honours list can be confusing. With so many names and different gongs being handed out it’s hard to keep track of who’s got what. So here’s our guide to determining if you’re one of the lucky ones who now has to shog off to the palace and not flinch when an old woman comes at them with a blade.
- Premier Inns are:
a) fuck huts for proles.
b) pretty good for the price.
c) the single greatest achievement in human history.
- The Old Vic theatre is:
a) selfishly hogging land that could be redeveloped into luxury housing.
b) quite fun to go to if there’s something decent on.
c) the most important building in London.
- Are you a woman?
b) It’s complicated.
- The Tories are:
b) not doing too bad a job.
c) almost entirely financed by you and your friends.
Mostly a – you have not just been knighted or made a dame.
Mostly b – you may have just been knighted or made a dame but only if you’re also good at sport.
Mostly c – you have just been knighted or made a dame (being made a dame far less likely, terms and conditions apply).