After a brief flourish of creativity video game makers have decided to yield to the inevitable and produce nothing but first person survival horror games from now on.
“Makes sense to me” said Gabe Newell, MD of Valve. “Steam’ll be much easier to run when we can lump everything into one category. What am I saying it’s easy to run now, we just let it all happen around us. We’d greenlight a screenshot of an empty plate if we thought someone would pay $9.99 for it.”
“It’s a shame,” Vlatko Andonov, President of Bethesda told us. “We used to enjoy having a bit of a think about our games, well maybe not so much with Rogue Warrior, but generally it was quite nice to try to come up with something decent. Although now we can just hash together some Unity assets containing zombies and a crafting element and shove it out there we’ll save a lot of money.”
As the industry runs out of inspiration most gamers have said they’ll abandon their hobby for something more varied like extreme watching paint dry. However veteran designer Peter Molyneux is to give a teary press conference tomorrow during which he will announce his new zombie survival game which he claims will be “so good it’ll literally change the world as we know it.”
Half-life 3 is never going to happen.