The globe is set to be stricken with an increase in drone attacks and attempts at bringing democracy to places now that decent chocolate has been taken off the shelves across the United States.
“I’m already feeling a lot more tense,” said US Secretary of State, John Kerry. “Without a Freddo to get me through my afternoon slump I’m much more quick-tempered and prone to making mistakes at work. And in my job if I mess up I’m taking you all down with me.”
The ban came after Hershey, who manufacture and sell a version of Dairy Milk in the US which tastes as much like proper Cadbury’s chocolate as Theresa May does, became threatened by sales of fabulous Brit-choc and went fierce legal to have imports stopped. The result has been a huge rise in American stress-levels and aggression now no one can take the edge off with some excellent cocoa solids mixed with magic and shipped fresh from the Old Country.
“I don’t know where this ban will take us as a nation,” Senator Kerry told us. “The President is currently in the Oval Office ranting about buttons. We can only hope he’s mourning the loss of the chocolate kind.”