A natural historian in Harold has managed to obtain footage of an owl, deeply immersed in custard.
Until now, every other aspect of the owl’s tedious life has been filmed extensively. But this is the first time one has been shown in a dairy-based, vanilla-enhanced fluid.
Ben Evans, 57 and still living with his parents, captured the moment shortly after returning from the shops.
“It’s Bird’s custard, obviously”, quipped Evans. “And the owl is a medium one. I think it eats mice or something, using that sharp bit on the front.”
Evans explained to us that custard is a ‘thixotropic’ liquid, which means it goes hard if you hit it.
“A bit like a pervert’s genitals, I should imagine, although I haven’t researched that. I have weak wrists, and my hands have been quite badly scratched by talons.”
Evans doesn’t think owls have necessarily evolved a symbiotic relationship with custard. “No, you’re thinking of apple crumble”, he explained.
“The one I documented seemed fairly keen to not be in custard. He didn’t take to it the same as, say, a baby hedgehog takes to treacle.”
The magistrates’ court banned Mr Evans from Harold common for five years and ordered him to return a sticky weasel.