George Osborne delivered his Autumn Statement to the House of Commons earlier today kicking off a frenzy of press coverage and speculation. Finance can be very confusing so we at the Evening Harold have studied the matter in depth and can now cut through the dense thicket of economic burble and shenanigans to present this concise guide to what it all means.
Are you heir to the baronetcy of Ballentaylor and Ballylemon?
Did your trust fund pay out when you were thirty making you a multi-millionaire?
Is your father’s business worth around £30 million?
Did he give you a 15% stake in it?
Are you believed to be worth around £6 million?
Is your salary £134,565 out of which you have to pay nothing towards housing, travel, utilities and anything else you can put on expenses?
Are tax-payers paying the mortgage on your paddock?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then CONGRATULATIONS the Autumn Statement is good news for you! The budget will be good news for you! Austerity is good news for you! It’s great to be you!
If you answered no then, chin up, you’ve got your flat screen and X-Factor what more could you possibly need?