As the Bárðarbunga volcano continues to smoke and spew harder than teens at the end of a night out in Cardiff, UK commuters are being warned that it remains a crap reason for not going in to work.
“The furthest any of my workforce travels from is Dunstable,” Harold estate agent Gill Gates told us. “So complaining about ash and visibility is not going to work. Although I’ll give the work experience kid ten out of ten for effort as he’s already texted saying he’s not sure he’ll be able to come in because the rumbling from Bárðarbunga has kept him awake for the last two nights.”
Anyone fancying a duvet day tomorrow should also be aware that while they are dominating the headlines not only will your boss not believe that you are inconvenienced by a volcano but also that Ebola or suddenly remembering something distressing about Cliff Richard are equally likely to result in a written warning.