Veteran entertainer Rolf Harris was jailed today after being found guilty of “shocking child abuse” by having his only daughter named Bindi.
In sentencing the children’s entertainer, Mr Justice Sweeney said ”Your vile actions cannot be defended. Why couldn’t you have given your child a normal name such as Janet, Susan or even Justice?”
During the trial at Southwark Crown Court, numerous show business witnesses including Jasper Carrot and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence Geldof testified to his good character and sound judgement in the choice of names. Later, under oath, 84 year old Harris denied that he had renamed his wife Alwen and her real name was Cynthia.
After the trial, experts admitted that they had missed many vital clues as to Harris’ true nature. “The alarm bells should be ringing when a popular entertainer releases songs titled ‘Two Little Boys’ and ‘Tie Me Down’ and makes shows such as ‘Rolf Harris and the Young Generation’” admitted one criminologist.
“And the sirens should be wailing when the individual appears on stage with an act which features himself dancing with a large shoed appendage.”
“‘Extra leg’ my arse.”
* Thousands of pets expected to bring lawsuits complaining about the way they were fondled by the bearded Antipodean during the filming of the TV series Animal Hospital. A spokesman for the BBC commented “We will defend these unsubstantiated allegations,” adding, “and, anyway, the programmes were made years ago so, with any luck, most of the animals will be dead by now.”