Psychologists at the University of Dunstable have announced a breakthrough in their pioneering research on violent video games. A fifteen year longitudinal study has proved conclusively that there is a direct link between games such as Call of Duty and Titanfall and tabloid journalists writing utter crap.
“We’re just thrilled,” said Professor Eleanor Davis who lead the team. “For years every time something tragic and violent involving a young man has occurred tabloids have instantly blamed games. It’s always been suspected that this was bollocks and it’s great to be able to prove that beyond doubt at last.”
“The vast majority of young men play video games, the vast majority of them wear trainers and masturbate an awful lot, and yet the tabloids never call for the latter two to be banned in the aftermath of a crime,” the Professor said. “They might as well, it makes just as much sense. Which is to say none whatsoever.”
“Besides, these kids don’t need games to be exposed to a scary world full of twisted morals, dead bodies and gratuitous sexual imagery. They can get all that from the Daily Mail.”