Despite claims of voter intimidation and errors with counting, Vladimir Putin looks set to seize power in Tower Hamlets.
Some voters have complained to the council that polling booths were manned by an unmarked militia, brandishing AK-47s and pamphlets about baby oil and topless communism.
Winning Tower Hamlets could be a way for Russia to bypass sanctions on key personnel, once they move into the notorious shit hole and decorate it to look ‘more like Chechnya’.
First time buyers have claimed they are being gazumped by oligarchs, who use the threat of air strikes to win over reluctant home owners.
MPs are calling for an urgent investigation, although they’ve stopped short of actually doing anything about it. Putin has responded with a string of one-finger press-ups, and riding a bear through several communal areas.
William Hague will visit the area later this evening, where he is planning to look angry, then sad, then finally resigned to the situation. A bit like that final scene in ‘The Long Good Friday’, just before one gang of crooks take over from the other.