As the controversy surrounding Prince Charles comparing Vladimir Putin to Hitler grows, the Russian President is demanding the right get physical.
“I will kick that tampon-fixated mummy’s boy into next week,” a shirtless Putin bellowed as he beat his chest. “Come to Moscow, Prince Too Thick To Know He’s Thick, and I’ll show you how a democratically elected national figurehead throws down. When I’m done it’ll take more than a coffee enema to fix you, it will take a miracle.”
Putin’s words have clearly hit home. Having previously refused to comment on the grounds that Prince Charles’ remarks made at a public function and reported by media outlets across the globe were a purely private matter, Clarence House released the following statement:
“Charles, Prince of Wales wishes it to be understood that his comparing Vladimir Putin to Adolf Hitler was an act of affection not derision. Due to his father, youngest son and DNA, in the Prince’s family being called a Nazi is a term of endearment. He therefore meant no offence and would like Mr Putin to stop scaring him as he reminds the Prince of the beastly older boys at school.”
Putin has yet to respond and was last seen muttering something about “Russia knowing exactly what to do with royalty” then running off into the woods to fight bears.