Dave Zhou, supreme proprietor of ‘the 38th Parallel’ in the sleepy village of Harold, told reporters that the World ‘top 50’ snub showed that the Judges were mere prawns in the Western Capitalist Pig Dog Global Conspiracy before clarifying to a hungry member of the press that yes, he did in fact take American Express.
Zhou, who is well known for his signature, and in fact only, dish ‘Rice’, said the Judges had failed to appreciate his ground breaking fusion technique: “I just pound the rice and cook it for a few minutes longer than usual and it all sticks together.”
Zhou said his customers love ‘Rice’, and he proudly showed reporters comments from his guestbook describing ‘Rice’ as the ‘Great Revolutionary Dish’, the ‘Supreme Bowl’, and ‘Good value on 2 for 1 Tuesdays’. Zhou acknowledged that there was one glitch when his uncle wrote ‘Adequate’ but after his uncle was torn apart by a pack of dogs, feedback has been overwhelmingly positive.
While the guestbook comments paint a glowing picture, dissident ex-customers say that all is not rosy in the 38th Parallel. Resentment is building that while the customers and staff eat ‘Rice’, the supreme proprietor is constantly helping himself to lobsters from the display tank. And the restaurant’s entertainment also comes in for criticism with allegations that it is quite impossible to enjoy a meal while 100,000 schoolchildren perform a choreographed display.
Zhou laughed off the allegations saying that any customers only had to come back to his restaurant and he would give them a full refund and then kill them and all their relatives.
“Only joking” said Zhou. “I’ll transport them to Hull instead”.