With just over six months to go until the independence referendum England has made a permanent declaration of love by getting a Saltire tattoo.
“This proves just how much I love Scotland,” said England. “But I had it done on the Yorkshire Dales so if I need to cover it up for work I can.”
Arguing that nothing says lasting union like a getting a tattoo when you’re drunk, England is confident that there’s no way Scotland will leave now.
“Why would they? We’re good together. Fleming and Connery, Corbett and Barker, Little and Large – er, not that last one – England and Scotland go together like oil and making lots of money out of the fact that one of you has oil.”
If this new ink fails to woo Scotland then England has plans for further body art.
“I’ll get the first two lines of Flower of Scotland etched up Cornwall and Devon and something intimate on my Southend.”
Aside from tattoos England has revealed that it has several other plans to keep Scotland’s love pre-referendum including getting it a kitten and going on holiday together.
“The only problem with that is choosing the right destination,” said England. “Historically I’ve invaded 90% of the world’s countries so it’s going to be hard not to bump into an ex.”