In a stark new report on the nation’s health the NHS has revealed that millions of us are now believed to be suffering from git fatigue.
“This is an epidemic that’s claiming many victims across all ages and social classes,” said Professor Carrie-Ann Walters, who authored the report following nearly four years of intensive research. “It is my conclusion that the UK is utterly fatigued by middle-aged white men in bad suits telling them what to do and what to think. Whether they’re in Parliament, on television, in the classroom or working at the next desk gits are everywhere and they’re making life needlessly shabby for the rest of us.”
Symptoms of git fatigue include: not being able to look at a git without feeling weary and defeated, excessive yawning, feeling like it’s always winter but never Christmas, and wanting to stay in bed all the time. This last symptom can be especially debilitating for those unfortunate enough to share a bed with a git.
Happily Professor Walters has assured the public that git fatigue while a long-term condition is not fatal. “Though serious this disease can be beaten,” she said. “There are simple, practical measures that we can all take to ward off git fatigue. They include not reading the Daily Express, voting in elections, and reminding yourself that Margaret Thatcher Day is highly unlikely to actually become a thing. Git fatigue can be overcome.”
When asked if there was any hope of a cure for gits themselves Professor Walters said that the chance of one being found was slim at best and that the latest clinical trial carried out on patients known only as Shapps, Balls and Littlejohn had yielded especially poor results.