A new £1 coin, designed to be the “most secure in the world”, is set to be introduced in 2017.
To combat concerns about the current pound coin’s vulnerability to counterfeiting, The Royal Mint has decided on a controversial new design – the coin will now be a fifty-metre wide concrete egg, which experts say will be almost impossible to copy, even if you wanted to.
The new coin will be made in grey and will incorporate state-of-the-art authentication technology and roughly £800 worth of concrete, at a stroke making counterfeiting non-viable.
In a nod to tradition, the coin’s unusual shape is said to be based on Queen Victoria’s threepenny bits, which were famously large enough to need a pair of courtiers to carry them around.
Such radical changes to symbolic items always cause complaints, and concerns have been raised by consumer groups about the ridiculously massive size of the coins. A government source countered this, saying: “We realise this will cause some inconvenience to shoppers, but expect the public to broadly support the move. The fitness benefits alone will be enormous.”
“This could also solve the housing crisis as you could use the coin egg as a sturdy thing around which to construct a rudimentary shelter.”
However, well-meaning liberals should realise that the housing problem is no simple matter, after eight Big Issue sellers were crushed to death during trials of the new coin in Romford.
A competition will be held to decide the image on one side of the coin, with Eric Pickles already the front-runner, providing they can fit him in.