This Friday has been branded by experts as “Red Friday”, as it is statistically the day in the year when your boss is most likely to be murdered by a disgruntled subordinate.
“The Friday of the first working week of the New Year, is well known as a dangerous time for managers,” confirmed Inspector Damion Briggs of the Metropolitan Police’s Bossicide Squad. “We recommend that anyone in a supervisory role considers the necessity of visiting the workplace today. Working from home this Friday may very well save your life.”
The return to work following the festive season is a stressful time, according to leading psychologist Dr Michael Drumm. “People return to work after a miserable Christmas break, only to find themselves back at a job they hate, with people they cannot bear and with a boss who was responsible for giving that paltry bonus which won’t make a dent on the huge credit card bill that is about to crash through the letter box.”
“Buoyed by these feelings of resentment and the suspicion that their boss also has a far better sex life, it is no surprise that it takes very little to turn the employee’s general loathing into intense violence”, said Dr Drumm. “Even a simple comment like the boss saying to an employee ‘Cheer up, it may never happen’ could be enough to cost a manager his life.”
Inspector Briggs said no one was safe on Red Friday, citing one instance of a fitter at an exhaust centre who quietly bumped off his foreman only to be murdered by another employee who resented his being promoted to interim foremen. “Those oxyacetylene torches can be very nasty”, added Briggs. “Talk about being promoted into the line of fire!”
So, the message is clear for anyone in a supervisory capacity. Do not go to work unless absolutely necessary and if you have to go to work, lock the doors and stay away from all subordinates.
Alternatively, if your job doesn’t allow you to work from home, why not join the millions of others who are more likely to miss work on this day than any other day in the calendar year, which is also known as “Sickie Friday”.