Hackers have dramatically improved Skype, Microsoft has confirmed.
A group calling themselves the Syrian Electronic Army has claimed responsibility for the Enhancement of Service Attack (EoSA), which for a time left users able to make video calls without gnawing through their fists in frustration.
“The Syrian Electronic Army has struck a blow against Western Neo-Con Troubleshooters”, read a statement. “Once again, President Assad can speak to his loyal followers while showing us his genitals.”
In addition to making Skype marginally less frustrating, the group also updated the site’s terms and conditions so they could be understood by all.
“By using this Microsoft product, you agree to us spying on your emails and activities, so that we can time our critical updates to cause maximum frustration”, warns the new text. “Finishing this sentence may require a reboot. Would you like me to restart now or wait until you’re just about to do something?”
President Assad took a gentleman’s wash before addressing his troops, without the need to unplug his webcam five times or download a new driver.
“This is a genuine blow against our oppressors, not just some daft willy-waving exercise”, said Assad. “Although the willy-waving is obviously important too, you don’t get that with a phone call.”
The Syrian Electronic Army has vowed to improve Facebook later this month, by disabling the emoticons and filtering out pictures of dinners.
“Help Bashar Assad by giving him a new life on Candy Crush Saga”, said Assad. “Balls, I didn’t mean to send that. Is this why nobody likes me?”