F I L M R E V I E W
Mariella Buss-Stop gets to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
As an aficionado of all of films in the Hobbit franchise, I was delighted to attend the district premiere of the latest offering at the Harold Empire so I could catch up with the latest adventures of Bilbo, Frodo and Dildo.
Now, it could be down to the effects of a rather jolly lunch or tiredness from last night’s Christmas lock-in but I have to admit to finding the film rather confusing and from the moment I thought I recognised Tom Cruise as Shorty, one of the seven dwarves, I rather lost concentration.
The good news that film seemed much shorter than the previous offerings and the further good news in that Bilbo and his pals continue to get up to their usual Hobbity tricks. So if I did rest my eyelids for a few moments, I can still pass on to you the gist of the plot to save you the bother of having to go and watch the film with a noisy rabble stuffing themselves silly with nachos, popcorn and cola free ice cubes.
In the role of Bilbo, David Brent continues to portray our reluctant hero as he continues on his epic journey along the yellow brick road accompanied by the faithful munchkins. Along the way, they meet the usual quota of vicious orchids, dragons and the Wicked Witch of the West, protected only by Cate Blanchett as the fairy godmother and the kindly gay wizard, Waldorf.
Continuing the theme of cameo appearances by former stars, ET wanders in and out of the movies, presumably as the desolate Smaug, lispily muttering “My preshiousss”. There seems no apparent reason for his frequent meanderings but it’s good to see that the film industry is supporting him with a role; however irrelevant to the plot.
In conclusion, I have to say that this was an enjoyable caper, but I can’t understand why they scandalously cut the dwarves excellent song “Heigh-ho, heigh-ho” from the original book. Harry Potter and JK Tolkien would roll in their graves.