“Them Muslims should be banned from wearing veils – they shouldn’t be allowed to hide their faces” said Gavin, an EDL supporter who wouldn’t give his last name.
“Muslims go home – England for the Polish” shouted Jerzey “Smith”, a carpenter from Essex.
Other EDL members just tried to stare threateningly but soon gave up when local children mistook them for clowns.
PC Flegg said she tried to reason with the EDL protesters, even going so far as to ask whether they knew what ‘irony’ was. “They replied that it was something to do with their mums pressing their union jack t-shirts. I would have tasered them for stupidity if it wasn’t such a waste of electricity.”
Imran Carne, owner of the local Pakistani restaurant and a devout Muslim, was bemused by the protest as the EDL members seemed relaxed earlier in the evening. “They were happily eating and drinking and making all the usual jokes like ‘is Pakistan overrun with English food outlets’, to which I replied ‘of course not’.”
“At the end of the meal they left a good tip, put on their balaclavas, and walked out. The first I knew of any trouble was a few seconds later when the whole group tumbled into a drainage trench – apparently the slits on their balaclavas were too small.”
Local publican Eddie said while he didn’t agree with the sentiment behind the protest, the EDL members were still welcome to enjoy a post-protest drink at the Squirrellicker’s Arms.
“As usual for when the EDL are in town, I’ll be running my one drink for the price of two promotion for anyone wearing a balaclava.”