A travelling family which has traipsed around Europe for almost two hundred years is at the centre of yet another child abduction storm today. Police have taken into protective custody ‘a ginger man’, thought to be around 29 years of age and answering to the nickname ‘Harry’.
The family is said to have started out with the frankly unbelievable name of ‘Saxe-Coburg & Gotha’, but has repeatedly changed its name across various national boundaries in order to disguise itself.
The Metropolitan Police has monitored the UK branch closely for some time. As recently as last month they made a botched attempt to snatch the ginger man, but only succeeded in holding a low-ranking clan member (under-employed by even their standards) at gunpoint for a few hours. “He asked if we knew who he was and what he was for – he just didn’t seem to have the faintest clue” a Police spokesperson explained later.
Fearing their surveillance might now have been discovered, Met Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe finally gave the go-ahead to pounce at a large government-funded home in The Mall today, where as well as Harry, what Sir Bernard described as ‘a nest of benefit scroungers’ was also unearthed.
“It was so obvious even a royalist could see this ginger man, who for operational reasons we’re just calling ‘Henry Wales’, wasn’t related to his ‘family’. We think they might have kept him on because he actually had a job and gave the family a veneer of respectability” said Hogan-Howe. “But it’s difficult to be certain: he could have been used to act like a dick, so the public would feel sorry for his carers and continue to throw money at them.”
Hogan-Howe explained that ‘one or two of the family may be in denial’ but that the rest were ‘clearly a bunch of consummate liars’. “Officers of the Metropolitan Police take lying very seriously”, insisted Hogan-Howe. “Whereas by comparison, this family were clearly just playing at it.”