There was shock in the village of Harold this morning when an alcoholic rough sleeper turned out to be Prince William.
“I saw this lad sat outside Tesco all huddled up under some blankets and clutching a bottle so I slipped him a few coins,” said villager Tom Stalling. “And instead of saying ‘cheers, mate’ he said ‘that’s really most terribly kind of you. Do you visit here often? Have you had to come far?’ and made me feel like the most important person in the world. That’s when I realised he wasn’t an ordinary homeless bloke.”
A Buckingham Palace spokesperson confirmed that Prince William is now living on Harold High Street and drinking more Frosty Jacks cider than is wise which is of course more than none at all.
“His Royal Highness has spent the last six years serving in the armed forces,” said equerry Major Crispin Hicks. “Throughout this time he has been treated like any other serviceman and this continued during his transition to civilian life where instead of being given support he was kicked out without any resources which resulted in alcoholism and homelessness two things that are very much military traditions and ones Prince William was keen to uphold.”
This isn’t the first time a Prince has been found in a bad way on the streets of Harold. Last July Prince Harry was discovered in a skip blind drunk, half-naked and clutching a stuffed otter but apparently that’s the condition in which he always ends his weekends.