Andy Murray has been disqualified from the US Open for being a tea-drinking surrender monkey as the backlash against Britain by the United States continues.
Since a House of Commons vote on Thursday resulted in no support for the use of force against President Assad’s regime in Syria at this time, the US has had to find a new poodle to yap for it at the United Nations and relations between Britain and the US are at their lowest point since the early eighties when we opened Cats on Broadway and they shot one of the Beatles.
To signal their displeasure the US have renamed English tea as democratea and Brita water filters are now sold under the name Traita in all fifty states.
There is also increasing pressure on President Obama to pass a law officially renaming the most widely spoken language in the US with the majority wanting it to be changed from English to God’s Own while a vocal and growing minority are lobbying hard for McRib.
While it is too early to say when or even if the special relationship can be repaired, with experts on international relations predicting that it’ll hinge on whether Barack Obama finds François Hollande more or less boring to ring up than David Cameron, Britain has seized the initiative and extended an olive branch in the form of Prince Harry’s generous offer to take the entire United States out on the piss.