George Osborne has admitted that his political career which saw him rise from new MP to Chancellor of the Exchequer in just nine years is the result of a joke that has gotten out of hand.
“It was a gag between chums when I was at uni,” Osborne, heir to the baronetcy of Ballentaylor and Ballylemon said. “We used to ask each other ‘what can George do?’ And because the closest I’d ever got to being good with money was palling around with Nat Rothschild in the Bullingdon Club it became a sort of tease: wouldn’t it be mad if George became Chancellor? And then I did.”
Osborne denies that powerful friends have pulled strings for him his entire working life saying that he once went it alone and secured a job as a sales assistant in Selfridges and managed to stay there for a whole week. His brief stint in the real world gave rise to the 2010 internet craze where people would upload photos of towels thrown in discarded heaps and tag them ‘expertly folded by George’ though this has now been replaced as Britain’s most popular political meme by the all-conquering Boris Johnson Knew My Father.
Osborne soon found himself working at Tory Central Office and it wasn’t long before he was godfather to David Cameron’s children and Chancellor of the Exchequer.
‘It’s all been a bit of a blur really,’ he confessed. ‘I just kept moving to wherever I was told and the offices got bigger and bigger and then I was given a robe and someone said I was the second most powerful politician in the country. Off-duty when the boys and I get together we all have a bloody good laugh about it.”
“I’ve got a 2:1 in Modern History from Oxford and somehow that qualifies me to run the sixth largest economy in the world. How weird is that?”
Asked if he was worried about what would happen to him when the Tories leave office, Osborne said that he has no fears.
“None at all. I’m sure I’ll get by with a little help from my friends.”