But followers are now doubting his credibility as an ‘actual human being’, because the image shows him forcing a Big Mac in his ear.
“It’s perfectly normal to attempt to obtain energy from processed animal matter, while being uploaded with an inspiring new speech”, mouthed Ed Miliband.
“It wasn’t an expensive one like George’s, in fact I found it in a bin. So I dusted it off and pushed it into the left side of my head.”
Ed Miliband has worked hard to cultivate the impression that he isn’t made of wood. He insists he can now blink, urinate and be irritated by Robbie Williams simultaneously.
“My advisors tell me that I need to make an effort to appeal to the lowly sub-species that votes for me”, said Miliband. “I can change: many of my components are fully interchangeable.”
Recent efforts by his ‘parents’ have increased Ed’s believability by almost 3%, but engineers at Hoover and the Build-a-Bear Workshop acknowledged there’s ‘still work to do’. “The earlier prototype we called ‘David’ had everbody fooled before we scrapped him, but this second one just doesn’t quite hang together”, said a designer. “Maybe it’s the nylon hair, maybe it’s the ‘thousand yard stare’ eyes. Or perhaps it’s vocal module we borrowed from Steven Hawking.”
Miliband reacted proto-angrily to claims he wasn’t eating properly. “Ed Balls has assured me that it’s quite common for us humans to muddle up our orifices. Anyone who’s heard his bottom’s latest speech on the economy will know that’s definitely true.”