Angry villagers have launched a powerful and overly complex protest against Thatcherism, by excavating a coal mine deep below Harold.
Working 10-hour shifts in appalling conditions, the group has so far dug over 13 miles of tunnels by hand. With stifling heat and deadly methane to contend with and no practical civil engineering experience between them, the list of casualties grows by the day.
Phil Evans thinks it’s worth it. Wearing a fruit-bowl with a bicycle lamp taped to it and carrying a gas-detecting bantam chicken, Evans looks every inch the icon of working class struggle.
“While it’s true that there isn’t any coal beneath Harold, that didn’t stop them digging for so long in Yorkshire”, he explained. “It’s dangerous, dirty and I’d hate for my kids to have to do this. But since last Wednesday, this has been my way of life.”
Digging miles beneath the earth with a zeal uncommon for a farm-hand, Evans has already made some startling discoveries.
“On the third day of our exploration, I found a mythical ring that makes the wearer slip into the Realm of The Dead Industries. It made me disappear”, claims Evans. “Although no-one could tell, because the mine is quite dark.”
In fact illuminating the vast system of caverns has proved to be difficult. “We’re using a little Honda generator that normally powers our meat fridge”, said Evans. “Which means it’s away at farmer’s markets quite a lot. Ironically, I’m having to work a three-day week.”
Evans swears that he will ‘never give up’ his symbolic battle with geology, and hopes that one day, Billy Bragg will write a song about him.
“As I tweeted to Mr Bragg in his seaside home in Dorset, we part-time miners need to stick together. We will never surrender! Unless I get a nice cushy IT job.”