Tag Archives: Tiger Woods

Tiger Woods out until 2016 after penis surgery

Toger in happier days, knocking one out at Augusta

Former world number one swinger Tiger Woods will not play around again this year after having emergency penis surgery.

The 39-year-old American, veteran of 14 major affairs, is hoping to return to playing the field in early 2016.

“This is certainly disappointing, but I’m a fighter,” Woods said in a statement on his website. “And a lover.”

The injury is believed to be due to a slightly misaligned shaft, possibly as a result of an overextended swing.

Doctors are confident that Woods will be back to his usual form in a few months, and sports manufacturers are already lining up to sponsor his equipment. It is likely that Toger will play at a members-only event at St. Andrews in May, where the infamous bunkers are certain to get his balls deep on the first hole.

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Masters Bitch and Putt almost ends in sudden death

GolferThe 23rd annual Harold Masters Pitch & Putt golf tournament reached a thrilling climax earlier today with a threat of sudden death as competitors’ mothers squared up to each other.

The Harold Masters, played over nine holes on the council course between the rec and the crem, was originally played by the men of the village but had to stop when it became over-competitive.  Players constantly fought to outdo each other with the worst outfit, and eventually the increasingly-loud plaid trousers, garish Pringle sweaters, two-tone shoes and leather gloves began to frighten the horses in a nearby field.

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