Tag Archives: MPs expenses

by dvo | September 10, 2015 · 6:35 pm

Ellwood on parliamentary expenses write-off “I don’t pay bills under £100.”

This might be Tobias Ellwood. Or some other buffoon. Who knows?

Tobias Ellwood says that having a £26.50 expenses debt written off by the parliamentary standards authority (IPSA) is only fair, given how much other money he has to worry about.

“Look, poor people are used to being careful with money.” Ellwood said “But someone like me, who’s always had stacks of the stuff, scraping by on a mere £90K a year is just awful.”

Friends say £90K might seem a lot of cash but when the costs of food, transport, rent/mortgage are factored in, he’ll only have £90K left.

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Filed under News, Politics

Tagged as IPSA, MPs expenses, Politics, satire, Tobias Ellwood

by malgor | April 7, 2014 · 11:00 am

Mrs Miller’s Tale: Chaucer manuscript found in local kitchen drawer

An expert from Sotheby’s has confirmed that a medieval-looking manuscript he found in the kitchen of a vegetarian restaurant in Harold is an authentic Chaucerian artefact from the mid-fourteenth century.

Restaurant owner Pippa Delaney was incredulous on hearing the news. “I can’t believe how long I’ve been saying I must sort out that kitchen drawer,” she said.

“Quaint little villages like Harold are full of priceless gems from yesteryear, tucked away in cupboards and attics,” said the Sotheby’s expert. “I just had a gut feeling in Veggie! Veggie! Veggie! although that may have been the lentil and three-bean soup.”

“Well, thank goodness he asked for a rummage in my drawers,” said Pippa, “I would have put that smelly scrap of paper in the bin for sure. The mustiness was bad enough, but the handwriting and spelling were a disgrace.”

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Filed under Around Harold, Crime, Culture, Dating, Economy, Law and Order, Politics

Tagged as Chaucer, Maria Miller, MPs expenses, Veggie! Veggie! Veggie!

by dvo | April 6, 2014 · 9:00 am

Maria Miller’s handy guide to non-threatening phrase use

“Do you want some?” When offering tea

Have you ever been embarrassed when a finance director keeps on asking you to justify your expenses claim? Maybe you were busy doing important stuff and forgot to explain but telling him to ‘P*ss off’ is rarely wise.

Sometimes your own career simply hasn’t prepared you for the task. If, say, you’ve worked in advertising – making things up for a living – you might not realise that sometimes people are supposed to be open and honest. Continue reading →