Sharp-elbowed, braying culture thieves across the land are today congratulating themselves on making yet another thing a thousand percent more exclusive and complicated than it needs to be as delivery van driving becomes a graduate only profession.
“It’s a majorly important job that’s getting a lot of attention right now,” said village incomer Oofy Eastof. “So naturally those of us who make Kirsty Allsop look like Sid Vicious are taking it for ourselves and our offspring.”
“Lysander and I are hoping that Cassian will take a BSc (Vans) at Waitrose. We’d be happy with Sainsbury’s too obviously but he is very, very bright and I’m not sure they’d offer him enough of a challenge.”
“My sister-in-law’s eldest has just scraped into Budgens and we’re trying to be supportive there but it’s now glaringly obvious what a hopeless underachiever that child is.”
Asked what she expected people who have the practical skills to be delivery van drivers but can’t afford to study the subject for three years to do, Oofy replied that “They could always establish a lavatory paper delivery business and start from the bottom.”
You must be logged in to post a comment.