As 2020 sees the longest January since records began, calendar scientists are calling for a moratorium.
“Time seems to have come to a complete standstill,” said long-retired local horologist Mike Winterbourne, watching the Indoor Bowling. “It seems a very long time ago now, but I was a fit, young working man when I put the Christmas Tree away.”
Politically, the electorate are beginning to feel there is some sort of sleight of hand going on.
“We’ve been hoodwinked,” said Harold Brexiteer, Gavin Williams. “Boris said he’d get it done by the end of the month, but he never told us January would last longer than the whole of the previous four years added together.”
“Mon Dieu, are they still here?” said Michel Barnier, returning from his gap year.
“The Transition Period was only meant to last a year, but at this rate, we’ll be lucky to see the back of them before the sun goes supanova and homo sapiens is extinct.”
As families struggle to eke out their wages and Elon Musk’s pet snail completes its first circumnavigation of Mars on foot, Winterbourne had further bad news.
“Don’t forget, when January does eventually end, they’ll be adding an extra ‘day’ to February, too.”
-
Today’s Weather: Hazy
Harold Tweets…
My TweetsSections
-
Latest news
- Japanese boy overjoyed Boris is recovering “I’ve trained for 1583 days and I want my revenge”
- Huge increase in coronavirus testing as the Wombles take power
- Delivery van driver now graduate only profession as middle class realise its importance
- Forget Joe Wicks: Michael Gove’s 5PM spin class is nation’s favourite workout
- World wide wahey: delighted animals tell humans to stay on lockdown forever
- UK to give world a bloody good laugh by getting morons to panic buy McDonald’s
- Anti-vaxxers devastated there is no coronavirus vaccine they can refuse to take
- January: still no end in sight.
Join the Harold community on Facebook:
What they’re saying about the Evening Harold!
"Way better than the Guardian" - Jeremy Corbyn
"Ha - this piece of wit contains a lot of truth" - Brian May.
THE REAL BRIAN MAY!!!"I just love this paper.... site... web thingy. Makes my day, every day" - Phil Burfoot
Rummage
Most popular stories
Enjoy some older Haroldy goodness
You must be logged in to post a comment.