Australia to build border wall to keep out immigrants

Encouraged by Donald Trump’s populist ‘Build a Wall’ policy, the Australian government has announced plans to build its own border wall around the entirety of the country’s coastline.

Australia’s ruling coalition, led this week by a man called Scott Morrison who literally has a pet lump of coal, is no stranger to xenophobia and right-wing staring-eyed lunacy. It is currently nursing its wounds after an historic defeat in parliament forced it to allow medical treatment for refugees it is keeping on island prisons.

Fearing perhaps that the small percentage of the population who actually like racist polices might feel discouraged by the refugee thing, Morrison proudly announced the new “Great Barrier Wall” plan this evening.

The wall will be built just inland from the beach edge, around the entire 9,000 mile circumference of the country, allowing plenty of room for surfing and shark baiting.

“This should keep the buggers out,” enthused the Prime Minister, in the tolerant tones known so well to observers of the Australian right.

“There’ll be no doors, no way through, nothing. I’ve just realised that means we can’t get to the beach, but it’s a small price to pay. I’m alright here with my coal, anyway.”

“I was expecting to get a bit of grief about the wall from some of the lefty whingers, but I’m hearing people saying it’s a great idea, and in fact, it’s a shame it didn’t go up a couple of hundred years ago.”

“Everyone else in the world seems pretty keen as well, for some reason…”

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