Everyone secretly delighted insects dying out

Despite the fact that it will certainly cause the collapse of all life on this planet, everyone is secretly quite relieved that the insect population is dying out, it emerged today.

Recent studies show that the global insect population is dying off at a rate of 2.5% per year. This means that in 100 years all insects will be gone along with all animals and plants which depend on them, including mankind.

However, the bright side which has not escaped most of us is that insects are generally unpleasant and yucky, and that total planetcide might not be so bad if it got rid of all the flies, beetles and stuff.

Noted ecologist Brian Renfrew said that the decline in insect life was mainly due to the destruction of natural habitat and the use of chemical fertiliser in farming.

“Insect are being devastated by these threats, with potentially catastrophic effects,” he explained. “And between you and me, about time too. A wasp stung me only last week, hurt like buggery.”

“Global destruction’s a small price to pay for getting rid of those little bastards, if I’m quite honest.”

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