Gateshead passport printer De La Rue loses contract for ‘sounding a bit French’

Oops, wrong one. Well they all look the same, don’t they.

Comedy and Tragedy were blended together today in the Tory soup-maker to produce the finest ironic Brexit Smoothie yet.

Franco-Dutch firm Foux da fa fa et un homme qui s’appelle Lars have been awarded the contract to print the UK’s new non-EU passport, after Jacob Rees-Mogg said the existing Gateshead firm De La Rue ‘sounded a bit French’.

“The writing was on the wall,” he said. “Well, on a brass plate on the wall, anyway.”

Brexiteers’ heads have been exploding as they grapple between the desire to keep foreign hands off sovereign matters and the freedom to trade where we want.

“What could be more sovereign than post-Brexit passport printing?” said Liam Fox. “I’d rather outsource it to Russia than give it to the French.”

But David Davis, who engineered the move, said it will, in the long term, save the UK as much as tuppence.

“And honi soit qui mal y pense,” he said.

The French printers have signed a no-strings agreement, specifically not to add a string of onions around the Royal Crest or put a beret on top, but have warned the UK of a potentially long delay before the first print run will start.

“All our workers have been out on strike since 1999 and unless Macron agrees to their demands for a 2-hour week and one million euro minimum wage, they won’t be back at work for at least a couple of generations.”

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