Research shows bad things not made worse by ‘happening at Christmas’

Imagine being stuck in a lift with this prick – at Christmas

Despite tosh spouted by idiots, losing a loved one to cancer, being made redundant, or finding oneself stuck in a lift with Piers Morgan aren’t made worse by the event’s proximity to 25th December, research has found.

“Any of those is a bugger” agreed project lead Dr Rachel Guest “though Morgan would be especially unwelcome, particularly in the run up to … no forget that”.

Guest found other evidence-free folk beliefs were common amongst those surveyed.

“One man’s mum had died the day before and he insisted ‘there’s a new star in the firmament today’ whilst pointing at Eridanus-Capricon vii, a massive ball of nuclear fission in the Alpha Centauri star system, burning since the big bang.” Guest didn’t press the point “He was clearly upset and it wasn’t the right time to challenge him, bearing in mind it was err …”

Meanwhile, drinkers at the Squirrel Lickers Arms in Harold were sceptical about Guest’s findings, in inverse proportion to the amount they’d actually read. “I don’t believe it myself” said pub bore Alec Fairchild “but either way this is the wrong time of year to publish anything so contentious. Seeing as it’s so close to Christmas.”

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