England’s pub brawl XI hit by further unseemly ‘cricketing’ incident

Captured on camera, Duckett shamelessly ‘playing cricket’

England’s pub-brawlers are facing another crisis, as yet another member of the squad has been suspended, pending an inquiry into an alleged incident of cricketing.

Earlier in the troubled tour, Jonny Bairstow was accused of ‘wicket-keeping’ when he should have been head-butting one of the Australian team. However, even before the team left the UK England’s talismanic all-rounder Ben Stokes, was captured by security cameras, playing French-cricket in the road outside a night club, meaning the talented puncher-kicker-puncher missed the tour.

Details of the latest incident are sketchy, although it is known that on Thursday Ben Duckett was out drink-training with the Lions and had only just tipped a pint of beer over a team mate’s head, when someone recklessly produced a bat and ball.

“Unbelievable.” said coach Trevor Bayliss, shaking his head. “Duckett is young but he should still know better. Wasting a whole pint of beer, why didn’t he use water? Plus, with Stokes out, we were already missing one of our biggest hitters.”

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